Family life after Brexit

The first(?) piece in the Graudia's European coverage (oh dear --by R L Cosslett) is a bit parochial:

Now Britain has left the EU, the fractures remain. Is it possible to bury the political hatchet?

 A bigoted old bastard: that’s how Letitia Clark thought of her dad, Tony, when she found out he had voted to leave....Tony gets a good shoeing over Brexit whenever they see each other, most recently at Christmas. “We have so little time together as a family anyway, it seems a shame to focus on the things we don’t agree on,” Letitia says.

In a 2016 study, one in five relationship support practitioners (19.4%) from Relate, Marriage Care and Relationships Scotland said clients had mentioned the decision to leave the European Union as an issue in their relationship.

She had to dig for that little gem. The actual Report says things like: '26% said money caused a strain on their relationship; 1 in 5 told us that their relationship was suffering because of low libido or differing sex drives; The biggest external strain on relationships is money worries –with over a quarter of people (26%) experiencing this pressure'.

The Report does also say that: 'Almost one in five (19%) is anticipating arguments over politics this year', specifying the Christmas period.'This was calculated combining the number of respondents who either strongly agree or agree with the statement ‘I'm anticipating disagreements over politics this Christmas’'[!]. Hence the skilled advice: 'Consider avoiding controversial topics.  Discussing Brexit or the election result when there are a strong range of opinions may backfire'.

Back to the Graun: 

Some [remain friends of a leave voter] take it personally, like I’ve attacked their sense of being, when I really haven’t. I decided to vote that way because I didn’t think there was any accountability in Europe,” ...social media [were] especially hard. “I was called an idiot, a racist, and accused of not knowing what I’m talking about. I don’t mind if you disagree with me, but it was the language used.”...a girl he had been talking to on a dating app ghosted him because he had voted leave.

[Olivia] has come to understand her parents’ reasons for voting leave. “They really did think there would be that £350m a week for the NHS.” [Silly bastards those proles] She is now, “amazingly”, dating a man who voted leave, which she says would have been unthinkable 18 months ago. They first went on a date in 2017, but ended up screaming at each other about Brexit. “I felt quite sad. I was still so angry and all I could see was that, if you voted for that, you must be terrible, your politics must be terrible, you must hate this country. I couldn’t see past it at all.”...Has Olivia been through a grieving process of sorts, and come out the other side? [yes].

[An elderly Leaver Brit living in Portugal] “I was subjected to a constant barrage of criticism,” she says. “I frequently felt bullied, sidelined and isolated. I love Europe. I’ve always travelled in Europe. It’s the EU I don’t like.”

Pete, 37, who is British and lives in Germany, wept at the Brexit result – voted for by both his parents and their respective partners. It sent him down a long and stressful path towards German citizenship.

Simon, 48, from Solihull, was the first in his family to go to university. He voted remain... " I’d print out arguments with experts and statistics" ...[I wonder what those could have been]....He told me how his Brexit-voting father had called him a “liberal elite”[proles again]  and he had called his father “a fucking stupid builder” during years of beer-fuelled arguments in the pub...[but]...What was a logical question to him, Simon realised, was an emotional one for his dad.

Simon seems very calm and logical when insulting his dad. These cases are what only the Graun might think of as typical, but even so it would have been interesting to tease out the various themes of generation and social class (and nationality in some cases)  in those accounts — a task beyond the Guardian these days of course. The gestural nature of the debates, or at least responses to them, is also revealed by the way in which most of the combatants seem to have reconciled their differences after all.

Instead Cosslett turns to the sort of experts the Graun values. The old EU metaphor about Brexit as a divorce seems to be prominent. I only have room for a selection again:

 [A divorce lawyer]  It is my job to help people see beyond the emotional hurt and seek common groun1d [sic] on which to build a future for themselves, unburdened by past hurts, as well as for their children. [This from a divorce lawyer!]

 [A counsellor]  You don’t have to come round to their way of thinking, but you will need to agree to disagree and draw a line under it. If the other person is ready to move forward, try talking through some of the things that you do agree on, and looking back at some of the good times you’ve shared.[That will be £150 please]

[A host for a divorce podcast --sic] Learn what triggers negative reactions in you – is there a specific point of disagreement that winds you up? Whatever it is, identify it and practise staying calm when thinking about it, or experiencing it. Reserve your energy, pick your battles. [Don't forget to like me on Facebook]